


Invisible

by MorningStar461



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-29
Updated: 2013-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 08:10:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/821983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorningStar461/pseuds/MorningStar461
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew is depressed and ignored. After a suicide attempt, he meets Gilbert who is in love with him. However Matthew can't believe that anyone could really love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Invisible

**Author's Note:**

> This is currently unfinished and is likely to remain that way as I lost the rest of what I wrote and I don't like any of my attempts at rewriting it.

He got home, abandoned his bag in the corner and headed straight for his dresser. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a shoebox containing a knife and a first aid kit. He pulled up the sleeves of his red hoodie and slowly unwrapped the bandages covering his arms, then pressed the knife to his wrist.

Matthew wasn't sure what was worse, being bullied or just ignored. At least the bullying reminded him that he was really there and not completely invisible. Both had happened today, he'd been sat on at lunch and ignored in most classes but his last lesson was gym, which was a prime opportunity for the bullies to strike.

He watched the blood run down his wrist, enjoying the feeling of it trickling between his fingers as he added cut after cut to his scarred arms.

"Fag"

"Cocksucker"

"Homo"

The insults from gym class followed him home, sticking in his head. It didn't matter how many times they said the same things, the words never lost their effect. It wasn't so much the words themselves, but more the way that they represented his classmates' hatred for him. He couldn't bear to think what they would do if he ever actually came out.

Matthew took a moment to admire his new cuts, criss-crossing the older cuts and scars in all directions, before wrapping them in fresh bandages and pulling his sleeves down. He hated doing this, but it was so addictive and had become his only way to calm down (although drawing also worked for that but it wasn't nearly so effective), or to cheer up, or sometimes the only way he could feel anything at all; to remind himself that he was real.

To be honest, he didn't know how he wasn't in a mental hospital. Three suicide attempts in two years should be enough to get anyone put away, but for that to happen, someone had to notice. And even his parents forgot they actually had a second son, with Alfred stealing the spotlight all the time. How could anyone else be expected to notice the pattern of red marks covering his arms. How could anyone else be expected to notice the invisible boy sitting at the back of the class. Let alone the fact that he never smiled or even spoke, except for the rare moments when the teacher noticed him for long enough to ask who he was.

Matthew was sick of being mistaken for his brother. Just the other day he had been attacked by someone who thought he was Alfred. He had eventually convinced the guy that he wasn't his brother, but not before getting a few injuries. At school he was always ignored by teachers, or they thought he was Alfred. He didn't even know why he bothered coming to school.

His daily routine was to force himself to get up, go to school, get ignored, get bullied, get beaten up by someone Alfred had pissed off, go home, cut, cry himself to sleep, repeat. It was horrible but he had learnt to live with it, dealing with his emotions by cutting himself and drawing. He could never show anyone the pictures he drew, they'd think he was even more fucked up than they probably already did. Matthew's life had been like this for as long as he could remember, going unnoticed by everyone and forgotten by his parents. At least Alfred used to notice him, but ever since they started high school, even his own twin started to forget him.

Matthew decided to skip school for the rest of the week. No one would notice that he wasn't there anyway. He wanted to think things over and decide if he had any reasons left to live, it was hard to think of any. He had no friends, his own family forgot he existed and he hated himself. He decided he would go to school on Monday and if, by lunchtime, one person had recognised him and said "Hi", then he would stay alive. If no one did, he would jump off the roof.

On Monday Matthew dressed in a short sleeved shirt, without a hoodie on top for the first time in a few years. He figured that if he was going to kill himself then it didn't matter if anyone saw his arms, not that they'd notice. When he got the bus he was greeted as Alfred until his twin got on just after him. He then seemed to become invisible, getting sat on twice during the short journey to school.

By lunch, still no one had noticed him so he made his way up to the roof. He stood at the barrier, designed to stop people from falling and tried one more time to think of even one reason to stay alive. While he was lost in thought he heard footsteps behind him.

"Wait!" Matthew pretended not to hear whoever had followed him up to the roof.

"Don't jump!" He began to climb the railing, ignoring the albino standing behind him.

"Birdie, please!" This time Matthew turned around with anger in his eyes.

"You don't even know my name? And you expect me to listen to you?" Matthew snapped, "That's why I'm up here in the first place. No one remembers me! You don't care if I die or no-"

"MATTHEW! Listen to me, I always remember you. I could never forget you. Just please, come down. Mattie, I love you. Don't do this."

Matthew burst into tears and shakily climbed down, immediately being caught up in Gilbert's arms.

"D-did you say you loved me?" Matthew asked, pulling away from Gilbert and looking at the floor.

"Err... Yeah, I did," Gilbert said cautiously, watching for Matthew's reaction "Mattie? Say something, or at least just look at me."

Without another word, Matthew sped off down the stairs; leaving Gilbert on the roof wondering what he did wrong.


End file.
